My Reluctant Visit to The Mormon Church

Here’s a funny story about my Reluctant Visit to the Mormon Church!   (Apologies to Donny Osmond!)
 

When my son, Tyler was about ten years old he had a classmate called Elias who belonged to the Mormon church and invited Tye to have a look round . The church was about ½ hour drive from our house, so when he asked me to drive him I actually declined. Somehow, I wasn’t so keen on the idea. Derek, (my husband) of course wouldn’t drive him as he’s a die hard Atheist!   However, Tye being a loyal friend, felt he should oblige Elias by taking a tour.  So I decided I was being silly and I drove him to the Church of Latter Day Saints on Wilkinson Road in Victoria, BC for 7:00 p.m. 

We were greeted at the door by two boys of about 17 years old.  I explained to them that we were here to meet Elias and to take a tour of the church.  Yes, they said, that’s why we are here and they were expecting us!  “My name is Elder Hoffman”, one of them said and shook my hand. “Nice to meet you Elder!”  I said. 

The other one came forward and said, “My name is Elder Jones”.  “Oh!” I replied, laughing, “You both have the same name!”  (No laughter from the Elder brothers) “We’re Elders of the Church Ma’am!”  Yikes, I thought! 

While we were waiting for Elias, Elder Hoffman asked me where we lived.  I told him Willis Point.  “Where’s that?”  he asked.  “Do you know where Durrance Lake is? 

”NO, he said.  “How about Butchart Gardens?”  “No”, he said.  “Actually Ma’am we’re both from Utah.”  I’m thinking, why the hell is he asking me where I live then!?

Anyway, Elias shows up and I explain to the boys that I have to pick up my daughter just down the road and I’ll be back in 5 – 10 min. They say fine and away I go, leaving Tye with the two Elder boys surrounded by paintings of children being visited by angels. (I wasn’t creeped yet!)

 

 

I return in about 6 minutes and park in the car park where mine is the only car.  (When I had left there were about 4 cars there) and walk up to the front door. 
Guess What?  The doors are locked!  I knock and peer through the glass….nothing….I walk round the large modern building trying every door.…all are locked!  I return to the front door and knock loudly….within a few seconds a girl of about 11 years old opens the door for me. 

I ask her, “Where is everybody?” 
“I don’t know”, she replies.  I begin to walk down the long hallway, the girl skipping along behind me.  I open doors to offices, to a huge, impressive gym and to a room with a large ceramic hot tub of some kind, but it’s like in an amphitheatre. What goes on here? I’m beginning to think the worst. 

Again, I ask the girl, “Is anyone here?” 
“I don’t know”, she replies. This girl is beginning to bug me.  “Well where is Tye, Elias and the Elder boys?” 

“I don’t know”, she says, then she disappears down the hallway. 
“Tye, Elias!”  I begin calling and I am starting to feel paniciky!!! 

“What the F  is going on here?” I actually said this out loud…but there was no noise, no answer…only silence.

I am trying to calm down, I re-trace my steps as they echo throughout the quiet modern building. Every wall has the appropriate number of paintings, not too crowded or over decorated but large & colourful enough to stop you in your tracks!  Ethereal Eerie Individuals with looks of heavenly joy on their faces! 

How many wives?

 

All sorts of visions are dancing through my head, not very spiritual at all….
I’m imagining Tye has been drugged and dragged off to Utah to become a MORMON….they might have him tied up & gagged in the basement!

 

This is the MORMON FORTRESS in UTAH!  I'd never find him in Here!

 

I decide I’m losing it…while I’m still calling their names in a frantic state…I go outside the building again in the hopes that they have all gone out to the parking lot to meet me! 
BUT There’s no one there………….and now I’m locked out of the building again!

I’m just about to cross the street, knock on someone’s door and ask them to call the police, when a man drives up in a car.  I watch him get out of his car, then take out a key, go down some hidden stairs to unlock a basement door!

I practically knock him over with a barrage of questions, “Where’s my son?, What have you done with him?  I want him out here now!” 

“Hey Lady, we don’t bite here you know, calm down!!” 

“Well, I want my son now Please!”

He tells me they are probably in the hidden chapel, which is upstairs.

"What?  I didn’t see any upstairs!”

“That’s because its hidden.” He replies and makes a telephone call to the chapel. 
Why the hell is a chapel hidden? 
I grab the receiver and one of the Elder boys replies and I say, “I want Tye outside the building right now.”

Within minutes Tyler and I are sitting in the car. 
“Is something wrong Mum?” he asks.  I take deep breaths and decide on a large glass of Merlot as soon as I reach home.  “No no, nothing except I couldn’t get into the building and I was worried about you that’s all. 

On the way home, he chatters about his tour…it was all a bit much for a first church experience.  Worse, though was that he was told, "Tyler, you could wash away all your sins and use our gymnasium anytime."
I said, "Tye, you're ten years old, you don't have any sins."  And then he says to me, “I think if I decide to become religious, I’ll just do it at home."

SIGH!

Thankfully, he took up guitar instead.